the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
