i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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