i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
