once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
