and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
FUCK WHALES
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
