I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
