We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well you can't waste a boner
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
