I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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