he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
