I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
