Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
