i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize