Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
