this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
