Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And then my night got REAL pukey
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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