sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
