I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
