i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Never underestimate the power of titties
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
