One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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