i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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