i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
