I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
