Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
