well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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