ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize