Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
