Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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