she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
