i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
