He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
