I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
