i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
