why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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