Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
