You just made me feel so damn special
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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