i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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