I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
