loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
