The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
