just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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