break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
