Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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