Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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