Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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