Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
