It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
