she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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