Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
