I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
