White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
