Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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