I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
