i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were destined to go to rehab together
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
COCAINE IS GR8
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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