I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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