Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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