i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
