I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
