Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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