her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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