So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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