I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
