Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Small penises have feelings too.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
