Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
