onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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