I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
