Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize